January 29, 2011
January 25, 2011
Official Itwaslost 2011 State of the Union Drinking Game:
Every time the President says something that makes you thirsty, drink a big gulp of Scottish beer. Go!
January 24, 2011
Back to business--; the second set of DEFINITIONS for our list of a hundred words that rhyme with 'Smurf'.
hurf - a violent procreative action a grurf will inflict upon its comrade grurfs. The grurf will impale its horn into the rival grurf’s gnatlike wings, then through another grurf’s wings (up to fifteen in a row has been observed by naturalists), twist it all about, & then sit there in a heap until they begin to mold. This is the only way a grurf can reproduce naturally in the wild.
iouyurf - 1) a very tall sunflower said to resemble a young beardless James A. Garfield; 2) Debt that has been temporarily paid with the seeds from the iouyurf flower as a “placeholder;” 3) The oil pressed from the iouyurf seeds, which can be boiled and poured from a large cauldron onto the heads of one’s debtors.
oourf - onomatopoetic word referring to the sound a grurf makes when it is hurfing.
glurf - a species of yuppie who is not actually allergic to wheat gluten, but goes around telling everyone he or she is, making impossible special requests to caterers or restaurants, and diagnosing all of their friends as gluten-intolerant also.
furf - 1) a stock tip; 2) a gambling tip; 3) a sex-position tip; 4) a tip about how to successfully cheat at clurf.
sklurf - 1) an immigrant who has accidentally immigrated to his own country; 2) the name of the “chinatown” district of sklurfs, usually located in the center of the city they are originally from.
hururf - a grunt of approval from the town council of Scott, Arkansas, when it has unanimously voted to adjourn for the day and take their kids to Chuck E Cheese’s.
scurf - a nasty disease caught on alien spaceships, usually caught when there is an insufficient supply of human baby blood to provide the crew.
jjurf - 1) the bells of freedom ringing from coast to coast, eagles soaring, flags waving, and an old soldier saluting a parade; 2) despair.
curf - 1) a thing or no-thing, something or not something; 2) a very large investment project costing more than a curzillion dollars.
January 23, 2011
Mr Quill is sometimes a little psychic. He didn't know, but about six months ago I proposed singing this song with Minnie Molly Mary, inspired by the amazing version Bob Dylan sings with Joan Baez in the 1964 concert recording. I thought it would be a pretty love song, & it even occurred to me back then that it would be good to do at someone's wedding. However, once we started singing it, I soon realized that it was more of a breakup song, with hints of infidelity... Cut to yesterday, when Mr Quill texted me suggesting I could sing this song at his wedding "a la live 1964" (in reference to the same version I was inspired by). I was like, wow, he had no idea that we sing this song all the time. We then got into a text message argument about the appropriateness of this song as a wedding song, barely agreeing to disagree: "You're right about that lyric... but I'm right that's it's a breakup song w hints of infidelity." "Pretty sure I'm right, but we cool." We both suggested we could change the lyrics for wedding-appropriateness. M.M.M & I youtubed the song on the roof this morning:
Have yourself a merry little Christmas, it may be your last,
Next year we may all be living in the past
Have yourself a merry little Christmas, pop that champagne cork,
Next year we will all be living in New York.
No good times like the olden days, happy golden days of yore,
Faithful friends who were dear to us, will be near to us no more.
January 22, 2011
Moving into 2008 for our feature Three Years Ago, where we re-post a hot post from EXACTLY THREE YEARS AGO:
Jan Harold Brunvand, in his famous book on urban legends, The Vanishing Hitchhiker (1981), debunks most of the teenagey scary-story myths on which he reports. One of the most bizarre ones tho, about alligators in the New York City sewers, he finds corroborative evidence proving true. The standard urban legend was that kids all over the city had bought baby alligators (imported for sale or brought back from vacation from Florida), &, when they grew too big or dangerous, flushed them down the toilets. Whereupon, they grew to giant, blind, sometimes albino, rat-eating, secret monsters (the story, like all urban legends, has many variants). Thomas Pynchon - another reclusive blind, albino monster - elaborates in an episode from his novel V (1963):
Did he remember the baby alligators? Last year, or maybe the year before, kids all over Nueva York bought these alligators for pets. Macy's was selling them for fifty cents; every child, it seemed, had to have one. But soon the children grew bored with them. Some set them loose in the streets, but most flushed them down the toilets. And these had grown & reproduced, had few of rats & sewage, so that now they moved big, blind, albino, all over the sewer system. Down there, God knew how many there were. Some had turned cannibal because in their neighborhood the rats had all been eaten, or had fled in terror.
There is also the Alligator Patrol, which hunts them down. Brunvand then describes 1960's legends about a potent "White Weed" which grows "lushly in the sewer because of the nutrients," (pg. 92), but people are deterred from harvesting because of the alligators. As I said, he dismisses as having no origin most of the legends he describes in the book. But this one, remarkably, can be linked back to newspaper stories from the 1930s (this headline from the New York Times, February 10th, 1935):
ALLIGATOR FOUND IN UPTOWN SEWER
Youths Shoveling Snow Into Manhole
See the Animal Churning in Icy Water
SNARE IT AND DRAG IT OUT
Reptile Slain by Rescuers
When It Gets Vicious-
Whence It Came Is Mystery
The article continues with the full story. Furthermore, there are public works records corroborating the existence of alligators:
According to a former New York City Commissioner of Sewers there was a problem with alligators in the sewers in the mid 1930s. In his book on the development of utilities beneath Manhattan Island, titled The World Beneath the City, Robert Daley claims that recurrent reports of alligators in the sewers finally forced Sewer Commissioner Teddy May to investigate the situation personally. May told Daley that he did find alligators (averaging two-feet long); he immediately launched a campaign to eradicate them [like Pynchon's Alligator Patrol!], & was able to announce their extermination by 1937. [Brunvand, pg. 97]
There's more info, & a host of popular culture references, at this wikipedia article: Sewer Alligators.
''It's crazy, you know,'' Diana Odetalla said. ''I don't know where alligators come from. Out of nowhere, I guess.''
January 18, 2011
Next, an original song called "Jesus Christ is a big fat man." We don't court controversy, but it is our cross to bear to be the carriers of truth-bearing crosses. And Necessity, that fickle goddess. Also, this song was inspired by the Fat, Happy Buddha, who is not the Bodhisattva but a future, fatter, happier Buddha. I thought, Christianity needs one of those: G bmin A f#min Jesus Christ is a big fat man, G bmin A f#min He eats as much as he possibly can. G bmin A f#min Eats like he knows the world can’t last. G emin A You can follow him - he’s not going fast.
Please "like" our hot new band The Manna Tease on the facebook fan page here. Artwork for the single "Jesus Christ is a big fat man" (not yet recorded) by Grainne Proinseas, and there's more in this photo album. T-shirts coming soon!?
Here are the lyrics & chords:
Jesus Christ is a big fat man
D f#min A
Jesus Christ was resurrected,
D f#min A
Died & came back, as was expected.
When you rise from hell, you know what you want?
G emin A
You head straight for the first restaurant.
Jesus Christ walked into a bar
With a ninja & a rabbi & a Bollywood star.
A guy in the corner called them a bunch of fairies.
But Christ forgave him, & ordered a round of Bloody Marys.
Jesus Christ would feed the hungry,
But he also would feed his big rumbly belly.
He could feed the multitudes with loaves & fishes,
But he also knew dozens of other delicious dishes.
Additional verse by Minnie Molly Mary:
Jesus Christ got his own cooking show,
Where he would make his world famous cookie dough,
His speciality sauces, and complex fondues.
Challenge him to a cook-off, and you’re bound to lose.
© The Manna Tease 2011
UPDATE: Jesus Christ is a big fat man SPECIAL B-SIDE SINGLE now out:
And this song & more FOR SALE for a buck each at this store:
G bmin A f#min
Jesus Christ is a big fat man,
G bmin A f#min
He eats as much as he possibly can.
G bmin A f#min
Eats like he knows the world can’t last.
G emin A
You can follow him - he’s not going fast.
Now getting to business--, after we released the long-awaited list of a hundred words that rhyme with smurf, many of you have been waiting to get down to doggerel, but were frustrated by the lack of definitions to most of those words (ones in common knowledge or common sense excepting.) Here we are proud to release the first set of DEFINITIONS for our "Words That Rhyme With 'Smurf.'"
vurf - 1) a tiny truck, 2) sexual slang used by tiny truckers when referring to their tiny trucks.
brurf - 1) a savage, stupid and often violent politician, rarely taller than 4’11”; 2) any of the insults hurled by the short violent politician.
iurf - slang for “swagger,” meaning roughly “fresh swaggering gait: half butterfly, half horse fly, and half C.P.E. Bach.”
nrurf - 1) to be so drunk that one has lost one’s curf; 2) the woman one wakes up next to after being in a state of nrurf.
ulurf - naked gutteral howling, like a banshee with a tracheoctomy.
shlurf - not as big as a shurf, but far more fun.
drurf - 1) herbal cure for ringworm, side effects include premature balding, lack of sexual desire, itchy colon, breast engorgement, and death. 2) the same medicine taken recreationally.
shurf - 1) A Slippery Nipple without the Irish Cream or the sambuca; 2) the state of anger one experiences after ordering a shurf.
clurf - 1) game played by the upper hierarchy of the clergy involving lingerie and betting on dice; 2) the lingerie used in the game of clurf after it is so thoroughly soiled that it must be hand-washed in holy water.durf - any of the followers of John Durf Scrotus (b.1265 - d.1278), the Scottish philosopher who exposed the Middle Ages as a bucket of hogwash.
January 16, 2011
Here's our version of "Copper Kettle," it's here! Recorded on the roof this sunny Berkeley Sunny afternoon:
Please "like" our new band The Manna Tease on the facebooks here. The chords & lyrics we use for this song (which differ from the Dylan & Baez versions) can be found in our How To Make Corn Liquor SONGBOOK.
Get you copper kettle,
C C/B amin amin/G
Get you a copper coil
C C/B amin amin/G
Fill it with new made corn mash
F F/E dmin dmin/C
Never more you'll toil
amin amin/G E7
You'll just lay there by the juniper
amin amin/G E7
While fires burn bright
amin amin/G dmin
Watch them jugs a-filling
F Fmaj7 C/B amin amin/G
In the pale moonlight.
Build you a fire with hickory,
Hickory, ash and oak.
Don't use no green or rotten wood,
They'll get you by the smoke.
You'll just lay there by the juniper, &c...
My daddy he made whiskey,
My granddaddy he did too.
We ain't paid no whiskey tax
You'll just lay there by the juniper, &c...
More verses from Rise Up Singing:
I’d rather have corn whiskey, than anything I know.
I’d rather be here on moonshine hill that down in the town below.
God bless you, copper kettle, may you never stop.
Just let us hear that whiskey goin’ “Drop, drop, drop.”
UPDATE: download the mp3 for the audio from this youtube video free here: http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_7219838
The Huffington Post put together a nice farewell to the head bibble Michael Steele, departing RNC chief, to replaced by Reince Priebus, whose name I have nothing to say about (except that it has an 'e-i' followed by an 'i-e'.)
January 10, 2011
This original song “BEER” - originally a four-part shape-note folk hymn composed for the Western Harmony, set to the poem "The Little Vagabond" from William Blake’s Songs of Innocence and of Experience - is here sung for the series of tubes in a solo guitar version.
Please “like” our new band The Manna Tease on facebook here:
We’ll be doing a version of BEER sooner or later.
Here’s the lyrics & the guitar chords I used today:
(Lyrics by William Blake)
C gmin Bb F gmin
Dear Mother, dear Mother, the Church is cold,
C Eb cmin7 F
But the Ale-house is healthy & pleasant & warm:
C gmin Bb F gmin
Besides I can tell where I am use'd well,
C Eb cmin7 F gmin
Such usage in heaven will never do well.
But if at the Church they would give us some Ale.
And a pleasant fire, our souls to regale:
We'd sing and we'd pray all the live-long day:
Nor ever once wish from the Church to stray.
And God like a father rejoicing to see.
His children as pleasant and happy as he:
Would have no more quarrel with devil or barrel
But kiss him & give him both drink and apparel.
January 09, 2011
As promised, here is a list of one hundred words that rhyme with 'Smurf.' The research for this project was done on the white board in my parents' bathroom. The '011 is already on track to be a smurf year, so we need these rhyming words. I will give you the list now, and provide definitions for these words in the coming fiscal quarter. God bless us!
At Jon Stewart's Rally to Restore Sanity last October, there was a man with a sign saying "Socks with Sandals" which I posted here. This is a cause I chauvinistically support. A picture was floating around the Huffington Post that showed George W Bush on vacation when he was president (it was in response to "should the President dress like this?" bullshit about Obama's casual wear in Hawai'i.) Look closely, I believe our movement has a new messiah. He's not only wearing crocks with socks, but the socks have the presidential seal on them!
I hereby Spearhead the Initiative to Introduce a Special Department of Socks with Sandals as a Special Sub-Department of the Department of Fashion (with Grainne's approval of course.)
January 07, 2011
I'm at Lake Tahoe for a sort of writer's retreat, and I have one new song to show for it. Here's a solo "workshopping" version, altho I wrote it to sing with our hot new band, The Manna Tease.
The text is half from Lewis Carroll's prefatory poem to Sylvie & Bruno, and half original. (The poem is an acrostic on Carroll's friend Isa Bowman, a child actress - the first letter of every line spell her name, as well as the first three letters of every stanza.) Here's the lyrics & chords as they stand now:
(Words by Lewis Carroll & S. Sandrigon, Music by S. Sandrigon)
G C G d#°7 emin emin/D C G
B7 C#7 f#min f#min/E f#min
Is all our life, then, but a dream----------
bmin emin emin/D C G
Seen faintly in the golden gleam-----------
B7 C#7 f#min f#min/E
Athwart time’s dark resistless stream-------?
bmin emin emin/D
It seems she’s a showman,
C G d#°7 emin emin/D
Below & above the remnants of the world, and
C G D
I’m blowin’ to & fro, man,
d#°7 emin D E
By an indiscrim’nate whirlwind
amin7 D GAnd the love of Isa Bowman.
Bowed to the earth with bitter woe,
Or laughing at some raree-show,
We flutter idly to & fro.
I know she’s a showman, &c.
Man’s little day in haste we spend,
And, from its merry noontide, send
No glance to meet the silent end.
My friend, she’s a showman, &c.
C G d#°7 emin emin/D C G
Copyright 2011 The Manna Tease.
Please "like" our new band on facebook, we will put up more recordings soon!
UPDATE! Here's a downloadable demo mp3 version. You can have it for a buck from the store widget below if you wish (under "downloads").