January 06, 2010

Processed, Completed, Aborted, Lost & Forgotten: www.itwaslost.org's 2009 New Years Resolutions

Before my Twenty-Ten list finalizes, now is the time to review my 2009 New Years Resolutions & see what did & didn't done get done. I shall re-post them here &, in full disclosure & fidelity to reality, report if they were completed:

-Stop going to see movies starring Philip Seymour Hoffman. I don't know why I kept making that mistake in 2008.

COMPLETED! I think I successfully avoided this man's overhyped acting talent. I even avoided The Big Lebowski.

Throw a mint julep party. I have a humongous bottle of Maker's Mark hidden in my apartment, which I bought a long time ago to throw a fabulous mint julep party. Why haven't I done this yet?

That dusty bottle of Maker's Mark, approximately the size of my head, is still hidden in my apartment. In 2010!!! Mint Juleps! My place! This summer!

Homeless people make me uncomfortable. I think I'm going to stay the course on this one.


Pay more attention to ladies' butts. You ladies don't get enough credit for your butts. Occasionally, I hope to notify a lady if she has something special.

Ladys' butts were routinely analysed, data collected, & I will be issuing a full report on Lady Butts of 2009 sometime in the 2011 academic year.

Drink more beverages out of tall glasses. A tall glass of water. A tall glass of juice.

I forgot about this one after a few months, but it's a damn good idea. To more tall glasses in the Tweens!

Sing more hymnody in small groups.

Time is running low before the rapture to get thru the whole bloody psalmody.

Date more white girls.

Four monosyllabic words, & I think I failed on each one individually.

There are several cocktails I wish to invent. Specifically, my idea for the Long Thailand Iced Tea, which would involve some combination of sweetened condensed milk, iced tea, & all the booze in Long Island.

That cocktail sounds delicious, how come I never invented it yet?

Jesus Christ walked on American soil.

Jesus Christ walked on American soil.

Write a Text Message Novel. This has already started, more on that anon, but I would like to see this project thru.

It was so good too, but I think the fad passed.

Female Professional Midget Wrestlers.


616 Blog Posts. You probably saw this coming. That's like two a day. Are we up to it? The mathematical gods demand it.

And we tried so hard too! 602!? We were almost there, despite heroic efforts from all parties, pinch hitters, we just didn't quite make it. Thank you all for your handsome mugs.

A new format for this website. I'd like it to be more magazine style, like the Huffington Post, with different sections, like Fashion & Architecture. We are looking at the horizon of greatness.

Next year! A fancy new blog format! We want it! We will work towards it!

Grainne's resolution, to meet all her itwaslost friends in Bulgaria, was a roaring success, of course.
Like I said, my twenty-ten resolutions are a work-in-progress (they nearly all have to do with owning more money), but I do have two decade resolutions:
-Kill a man.
-Sleep with a woman.

Onward & upward!


Brains said...

We laughed out loud at "Four monosyllabic words..."

Muffy Sainte-Marie said...

Long Thailand Iced Teas! I fully support that endeavour! Bring it!

I hate to say it, but I think Philip Seymour Hoffman is pretty good. But maybe I need to take another, more critical, look. But really, who had ever heard the word "shart" before PSH brought it to the world? Surely that's worth something, no?

I realize that's a little bit icky.