March 03, 2009

GQ declares "War on Brunch". Mimosas Witnesses dig trenches.


The atheist liberals at GQ magazine have published an incendiary piece by Adam Sachs called "Why Brunch Blows." Can the universal congregation of Mimosas Witnesses sit silent while this echidna diarrhea is published in mainstream Gentleman's Fashion glossies!? This Charles Darwin of sunday morning rituals declares the mid-morning community gathering & transubstantiation dead & buried. And further focusing on a few negative food items he imbibed, perhaps he just needs a better personal chef, or less sucky friends that he enjoys dining with. Did the crusades or the inquisition kill Christianity? So GQ takes offense at seventeen dollar french toasts - I made a nutmeg freedom toast this morning at 11:45am with less than two dollars worth of ingredients. Trader Joe's now sells a SIX DOLLAR PROSECCO.

Further research into this Mr Sach's biography reveal him to be not only anti-brunch: in 1997 he was overheard insulting a Hopi Indian chief; he has stolen no fewer than twenty-eight baby Jesuses from black church's black nativity scenes for his "collection"; he once complained that Julia Child should not have been allowed to drink on the set; he thinks that Cormac McCarthy is an "overblown stylist" & "arrogant recluse"; & in 2002 he was seen shooting rubber bands at a family of ducklings. Is this the man we want declaring the death of an American meal & religious service to the world's fastest growing faith? If his "Why Brunch Blows" piece is intended as humor, it falls violently short of the most modest chuckle. If he intends this to be his Fort Sumter, bring it on. You will lose this battle & this war.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

there is a special place in the darkest coldest hells for brunch haters.

Quill said...

Sounds like he's going to some shitty brunch places. Let's invite him over. It can be like the movie The Last Supper.

Olaf Mary said...

"Eat Breakfast Alone." ?
What a sad, sad man.

ß. Andrigon said...

It can be like the movie Mystic Pizza.

Brains said...

A friend of mine was laid off, first thing we did was have po' man's brunch at his place. I brought the Gimme Lean.

But I sympathize with the author's sentiment (or "ressentiment"): The days of long waits at Boogaloo's for $10 eggs florentine plus coffee and tip and tax and SF-healthcare's 5% surcharge are over. "All I have is a twenty, can I pay you back later?"