March 22, 2009

From the Archives: $1000 - THE GREATEST APARTMENT IN THE HISTORY OF NEW YORK

There was some talk of amazing craigslist posts, which led me to dig out a copy of our 2004 publication, The Limimnibus Papers: What Is It From The Sky? (Volume II of our Sarah Lawrence College literary journal) & read this post we found back in the early days of craiglist.com. There was some discussion about its authenticity, but I maintain that it would be too good of a hoax, there's too many neurotic details to have been published as a joke:

$1000 - THE GREATEST APARTMENT IN THE HISTORY OF NEW YORK


Reply to: anon-25367645@craigslist.org
Date: 2004-02-28, 9:58PM EST

There comes a time in one's life when they are able to experience something TRULIEE GREAT:

Spacious, beautiful, elegant, primmed with creative sophistication and modern style Studio Apartment. BREATHTAKING views of the city and a general feeling of comfort and well being. Short commute (45-60 min) to Manhattan. THIS APARTMENT IS TRULLY SPECIAL, and you will share with devouted, delightful, and really awsome roommate! I am a practicing muslim (with strong beliefs in Christianity), vegan, and aspiring musician/composer/teacher. You must be a self-made individual, preferably over 30, MATURE, CONSIDERATE, NEAT, open to other cultures and experiences, and must have an annual income no less then 50,000 dollars and impeccable credit and references (I will ask for 3 separate references, including past employment and your tennet history). No actors, writers, waiters, school teachers, and Corporate folk who work at the follwing companies: Sachi and Sachi, Morgan Stanely, or Starbucks.
You are more then welcome to use all furniture in the studio, but I must ask that you bring your own plates and cooking utensiles (please no meat). I will also ask that you do not use the kitchen area on Mondays, Thurdays, and weekends, and that while I am away (which is not too often because I give accordian lessons to students in the apartment), that you are able to take care my three cats.
Available ASAP for 6 months, with an opportunity to extend the lease for 2 years (with a 10% rent discount!!!) I believe in selflessness and purity, and my actions speak for themselves.

$1000/week OR 4000$/Month (I would prefer 6 Months payed up front, Cash) + small brokers free (20% negotiable) + Deposit + Utilities (we will split my magazine subscriptions)
(If you wish to negotiate the rent, I will be willing to offer you free acordian lessons and a 13 dollar metrocard)

This is an ABSOLUTE STEAL AND WILL NOT LAST LONG! DO NOT WAIT! It is more then just a fabulous apartment share, It's a SHARRING OF MINDS, OF SPIRITS, AND OF THE ETERNAL ENERGY, ALL IN THE GREATEST CITY IN ALL THE WORLD: NEW YORK CITY. DO NOT BE AFRAID OR QUESTION YOURSELF TOO MUCH: LET GO OF THE PAST AND BE PRESENT, FOR A BIG PRESENT IS WAITING FOR YOU, A REALLY COOL ROOMMATE IN THE GREATEST APARTMENT IN NEW YORK! THE GREATEST APARTMENT IN NEW YORK!!!!!

1 comment:

ß. Andrigon said...

Whoa, I copyd-&-pastied from Word 2007, & it added so many messy html things that it messed up all the formatting on the side. I'll try & fix that later.