March 07, 2009

Conversations: Volunteering on Tatooine

me: [...] had her peace corps interview yesterday you know.

J____ Quill: ooooh
Olaf: wow
me: And her interviewer did the peace corp in TRANSYLVANIA
Olaf: i had no idea
J____ Quill: ooooh
Olaf: vampires in our midst
J____ Quill: it's better over there, I hear
11:21 AM Olaf: so where does jenny wanna go?
me: I didn't know you could be a volunteer in Fantasy places. Can you be one in Sherwood Forest?
J____ Quill: how was the interview?
only fantasy scary places
me: She said it went much better than anticipated. They talked an hour longer than scheduled.
11:22 AM J____ Quill: wow
Olaf: good
J____ Quill: [...]
me: I would join the PC if we could do it on other planets, like Tatooine
11:23 AM J____ Quill: Tatooine needs volunteers
Olaf: yup
and water
me: Yeah that place is developing, to say the least.
J____ Quill: and freedom
Olaf: it the new dubai
lets go!
me: can you teach English to jawas?
11:24 AM J____ Quill: they really need it
Olaf: and computer skills
11:25 AM J____ Quill: they're pretty good with electronics
Olaf: right
but only distant past electronics
11:26 AM J____ Quill: of the future
me: Yeah it would be interesting teaching Internet 101 to a bunch of aliens who can rebuild robots.
The Tusken Raiders! They're not so bad.
Olaf: yup
11:27 AM and study skills
me: Or trying to get the Sarlacc to read Huck Finn.
11:28 AM Olaf: and to kill a mockingbird
i feel that the Ewoks would do incredibly well in Physical education and arts and crafts
like summer camp
me: Okay, enough of this, I need to start cleaning my fucking apartment. It's not that dirty, I think, but not quite presentable to respectable individuals who will be here shortly.
J____ Quill: Ewoks have good attitude
11:29 AM Olaf: respectable?
but ewoks have ADD
11:30 AM J____ Quill: nonsense
me: God, remember how they digitally added to the Sarlacc in the updated versions.
They added like grabby tentacles, totally missing the point of the original.
J____ Quill: yeah
11:31 AM so much less scary
but not the worst of the changes they made
me: It was terrifying because it was a SLOW-digesting plant.
Olaf: yes
me: Not a two-bit corny horror movie creature.
J____ Quill: yup
11:32 AM George Lucas. burned out imagination
11:33 AM me: He's like Wordsworth, rewriting his early poems, & sucking them up.
Hmm, this poem would flow a lot better if I made it more conservative.
J____ Quill: yeah
Olaf: W. has Q told you about our money making idea?
11:34 AM me: What is this!
I'm filled with entrepreneurial zeal already.
Olaf: we write and release hyped contemporary novels before they are released
we start with "The Kindly Ones"
me: I love it.
Let's write J.K. Rowling's next book.
Olaf: okay
me: Anything anxiously anticipated.
11:35 AM Karl Rove's memoir.
Olaf: just the kindly ones - see the new york times yesterday
J____ Quill: Lit Zak!
Olaf: to read about this controversial neew novel
about a nazi
written in french by an american
11:36 AM 983 pgs.
me: People would wonder why the pre-realeased Lit Zak version was only 78 pages long.
Olaf: they would be happy
me: You know I was doing the Ken-Ken puzzle in that section of the Times yesteday, but opted no to read that article.
J____ Quill: it would probably be better though
11:37 AM Olaf: to not have to read all those other pages
me: We could just add a note of explanation that translating from French cuts down a lot of words.
Olaf: yes
me: French is a very superfluous language.
Olaf: especially french of an american mind
apparently the main nazi character sodomizes himself with a sausage
me: And we could cut out all the dirty bits,
11:38 AM Olaf: and add jesus
me: Make a Christian Family version.
Olaf: yeah
me: And make it take place in the American Suburbs, americans love that shit.
11:39 AM Olaf: we are the next updike
me: Okay, fellows. I'm sad to leave you, but I must start scrubbing thingies.
Olaf: and cervantes
11:40 AM elbow grease!
J____ Quill: loser
me: The Great American Novel.
A 800-page shorter fraud translation, with all the naughty bits expurgated, set in the American Suburbs.
Olaf: that is what america wants
11:41 AM cul-de-sac
me: It is America.
11:44 AM J____ Quill: these novels really write themselves
11:49 AM Olaf: yeah, we just have to fill in the words

1 comment:

grainne proinseas said...

you are all gems of humanity.
I love you. thanks for the laugh.