February 10, 2009

The Facebooks Note: "It's Time for My Obligatory 25 Things Note"

Quizzes & surveys go around these networking sites, & are generally to be avoided, but then this one started, which yielded such good results from many of my "friends" & friends-of-friends. I had to contribute, altho as you notice, several of my "random things" are just sneaky advertisements for this blog or other projects. I waited a few days to post this here, so I could put the few comments too, & add links.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

25 Things

I. I've really been enjoying everyone's 25 Things essays, I don't know how this virus started, but it's really been quite revelatory. I hope mine isn't already yesterday's news.

II. I've often contemplated how difficult it would be to completely exterminate one of those overplayed radio songs, take for instance Aretha Franklin's "Respect". Even if you designed some super virus which deleted every digital copy, combined with a massively successful "CD burning" propaganda religiosity, it would still be owned by millions of people on tapes, records, CDs, hiding under people's commodes, &c. "Respect" is here to stay.

III. Move over Black History Month! It's February: Month of the Mustache!

IV. What's with people who don't eat the crutons in their salads? (Right, for the rest of this note I'll try to avoid Jerry Seinfeld observations.)

V. What have you all been up to? What's everyone's latest project? Who has a boring job? Who's pregnant?

VI. I've been single for a long time now - - - watch out, ladies!

VII. 2009 is a year of new things: I've already written a hip-hop album; spent an afternoon in Volcano, California; I went to a burlesque show; I'm co-writing a Text Message Novel; & I plan to go to Eastern Europe this summer (weather permitting). We have a new president & everything still feels soft-focus about that. Bush is already not one of the top fifty searched items at the NY times (he was always #1 until 2007)

VIII. The Virtual Thesaurus on Text Messaging suggests "ISRN2U" to abbreviate "I'm standing right next to you!"

IX. I arranged Richard Fariña's song "Children of Darkness" into four-part harmony, & every time I listen to my old yamaha synthesizer pound out the playback, it breaks my heart.

X. I've been photographed standing next to Hillary Clinton with all the other "service help."

XI. I realize a lot of people of our generation are still uneasy about the so-called "blogosphere". However, I & four other Sarah Lawrence graduates post a lot of original writing, music, art & pornographic photography to www.itwaslost.org, I feel we put out a pretty good product & I recommend visiting early & often, leave us a comment!

XII. It bothers me when people advertise their website in their "25 things" essay.

XIII. In Peter Zillman's "25 random things" essay, the word "freight" was two of them, after which he commented "what are the chances of that?"

XIV. I was banned from the light rail in Portland for not paying my fare. Another thing that happened on the light rail on Portland, was that a man danced around me ululating "Leonardo! Leonardo! It's Leonardo! Can I have your autograph!" Irritatingly, people often point out to me that I look like Mr DiCaprio, ever since I was 16, however, ironically, since I shaved, it hasn't happened once.

XV. My 'Address to the Lassies' at Robert Burns Night 2009 (at Lake Tahoe this year) ended with the line "Why don't you lose some weight?"

XVI. J.D. Salinger turned ninety on January 1st, 2009, still in hiding in Cornish, New Hampshire, & lately I've been getting the sinking feeling that he's been burning everything he's been writing in the last forty-five years. Still, I want to believe.

XVII. I'm swearing less, but I'm beginning to talk more & more like Donald Rumsfeld. Heavens!

XVIII. I once wrote a poem with the lines "James has eaten elephant slugs & slumber slugs / And wallaroo slugs & cucumber slugs."

XIX. It's become a fairly common sight to see a hipster walking down the street with a ukulele, usually not very good at it, often also with a mustache, sometimes just strumming open chords for no reason! It's like a prop! I hate to gripe about being ahead of the trend, but now I feel like just another hipster ukulelist, even tho I've been playing since I was a kid. Now I'm a clean-shaved rap star (& during February Mustache Month too...)

XX. I'm going to have a glass of scotch left over from Burns Night & write the remaining items so I can post it already.

XXI. Liam just now posted "A Collection of Hindu Mustaches" to our website, & it's just breathtaking.

XXII. I've spent the night in all fifty states, every Canadian province, ridden Amtrak from New York to California or California to New York about a dozen times (it takes four days) - - - and so now when I have an extra-large Nevada flag hanging on the whole wall above my futon, I can tell you with some assurance that Nevada is the most beautiful place in this nation. Also, my father bought me some beer from the Great Basin Brewery out of Sparks, Nevada, & it's fucking good! Finally a local beer to live up to our glorious state.

XXIII. I've been writing a West Coast hymnal, which I hope to publish with illuminations sometime before 2050.

XXIV. I've been living with my friend Jenny Ruth for several years now, & together we've battled rats, ants, mold, fleas, dirty dishes & ennui. What challenges will 2009 lay before us?

XXV. My lost years are over?
I realize now mine is significantly longer than others, & quite a bit more self-promotional. I intend to re-read thru many others, as I said many were wise & witty, & collect a 'best of' - - check back! Now: Here's the comments from the facebooks for this note:
Jamie B____ at 6:44pm February 3
James, I adore you. I also miss you. Your wit and intelligence astound and humor me. Play on. James.

Annalee F____ at 8:26pm February 3
V. I have a relatively boring job, and, according to you yourself, am apparently pregnant.

Sorry I didn't get a chance to see you. Was in the bay area for less than a day, all in all.

Mr Quill at 11:05pm February 3
Why did you snub our Cornell Grad Student contributor? He gives us class.

James W___ at 10:35am February 4
I've never snubbed Southworth People! That was a strange point to pick up on. Annalee, I will see you in my dreams. Jamie, I miss you too, what have you been up to?

Jessica B___ at 12:16pm February 4
XIX. I once saw a fellow riding a unicycle down Hawthorne St. in Portland with bagpipes slung across his back. I wondered if he ever plays and rides at the same time. I also wondered if he was the official poster child of our city's unofficial motto: Keep Portland Weird.

III. There are only 107 days left until the World Beard and Moustache Championships. Do you have your ticket to Anchorage yet? http://www.worldbeardchampionships.com/index.html.

Peter Z____ at 1:44pm February 4
XXVI. freight

James W___ at 1:48pm February 4
Wow, may be there are no coincidences in the world...

Mr Tomas at 12:51pm February 6
Was it me you were talking to on Burn's Night? Everyone else there is certainly skinnier. I vomited scotch three times in the following 12 hours.

James W___ at 3:20pm February 6
It was a joke I stole from The Onion, & it was addressed to lassies in general--, altho I think bolemia just might be the cure for most of your problems, Matty. I felt bad about that speech for days afterward, & the brits had to assure me that it was nothing out of the ordinary for Burns night roasts.

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