September 30, 2008

Special Preview: Sarah Palin Video Game

I hope I'm not one of thousands who have already put forward this idea, but here it is: A thinking tank for our Sarah Palin Video Game, presented here on this blog as a preview & advertisement for our LIVE-BLOGGING of the Vice-Presidential Debates (check back to this website, oftenish, Thursday evening, follow along with our Marxie/Wildean one-liners, from your own home entertainment center.)
Our industrious Mongolian Video Game Technicians are currently fixing some glitches in the software for this game, but here are some ideas for some of the levels.

. One of the most straight-forwar
d of the system, but some of the targets popping out of the Alaskan Wilderness into the cross-hairs of our political rifle could be: various endangered species, polar bears, librarians, state troopers, & old-man's faces (in preparation for the daily tasks of the Vice President.)

AERIAL WOLF-HUNTING level. Some of the coolest graphics, shooting dogs from a plane. It's basically like fox-hunting for Alaskans, but less dainty or bound by any civilized standards of morality. The Sarah Palin avatar in this section would be leaning out of the plane with an American-flag bikini & an enormous "shootin' dogs from a plane" gun. Instead of being indiscriminately wounded & left to bleed to death in the snow (BORING!), the wolves explode in fourth-of-july fireworks.

BEAUTY PAGEANT level. You get to dress up your avatar, et cetera, basically not much to this level, but good for marketing.

Now, as we progress thru the levels, we get some of the more mundane aspects of a rising political career at the end of the road, U.S.A.

GOVERNING WASILLA level. Donning a pants-suit, Palin roams the streets of her Alaskan suburb, sort of like a community organizer / street fighter but with actual responsibilities. She collects "responsibility" items - like a baseball bat to smash in the heads of tweakers; encounters high-school friends to issue "promotions"; rides atop a Dinosaur, et cetera. We're still brain-storming this level, as right now it's about as entertaining as permafrost. Open to suggestions.

GET IMPREGNATED BY TODD PALIN level. Navigate the Governor's pelvis thru an abstract atmospheric landscape, attempting to collect "spirit" from Todd Palin's fecund family jewels. But watch out! Liberals with coat-hangers & other spirit-quenchers are around every unfolding cloud. Extra bonus points for successfully birthing an infant with Down syndrome. You get to name the offspring - (Suggestions from The Onion for additional Palin children names:
Frag, Moss, Scoot, Skiffer, Minnow, Plow, Snatch, Twiglet, and Drum.) It's a tricky level, because sometimes the children themselves get impregnated, which is fine, as long as you can spin it as all-American.

CAMPAIGNING FOR McCAIN-PALIN level. Another "roaming-the-streets"-style level, she has to show off her foreign-policy experience (basically by threatening world leaders with her guns & spotting Russia from her house), avoiding reporters & scorning the media. At the end of the level, she battles larger-than-life Joe Biden at the VP DEBATES.

As we don't know how long or to what extent Gov. Palin will be on the national stage, it's hard to know what levels await. If she is ever Vice President, there could be some amazing Dan Quayle-style parts, roaming the world as a token VP.

VP DEBATE Live-Blog,
Thursday, 6pm Western Time, 4am Bulgarian Time.
Be here!


Quill said...

Shouldn't there be a president level too? Or is that the secret level that you have to unlock?

Brains said...

Want me to look into live blogging apps for Thursday?

Brains can't log on until 6:45 PST. Weak, I know.

ziipppp said...

The governor game CAN be fun. Can you fire a trooper without hitting a member of the press who will tattle on you. Can you catch bribes and gifts falling from the sky, without also catching a spinning tape recorder that captures that. How long a bridge can you build before it collapses under its own weight. Like Jenga. And I'm sure there's a creepy ted stevens angle....

ß. Andrigon said...

Yes of course, the BRIDGE TO NOWHERE leve, I guess I basically left out the GOVERNING ALASKA level, which would involve Sen. Stevens, oil companies, & handing out free money to people who live in Alaska.

Mr Quill, I hesitate to propose the presidential level, unless it's, as you said, a secret level, or perhaps we could have it as a Dreamscape, like the Pres. Palin fantasy of the rural evangelical right.