September 04, 2008

Live-Blogging th'ethereal sky

Having been untimely ripped from a deep nap by this sonorous bottle of Gobiden Bourbon Whisky in my cabinet, I'm ready to watch some America-loving Americans brag about what a good job they do running the country that they love. Friends from this & neighboring galaxies are invited to watch along & comment, I think several of our far-flung correspondents will be turning around & getting a little bit closer as John McCain, that wacky maverick, puts aside his stage-freight & takes the podium.

Here's the CNN live-video feed:

Clean-shaven white men will invariably be interspersed with crazy bearded hermaphrodites (diversity) & hot blonde women (the party's base.) It's ten degrees hotter in San Francisco than it is in Berkeley (the reversal of the norm, San Francisco's cruel wintry Augusts.)

George H. W. Quiselgúr signing in as "Red Indian" Red.

7:30pm Central Time
- Republican Fashion: cowboy hats are in for the fall season.

- The GOP are super good about electing a ton of middle-aged white women to office. Good for them!

7:41pm - Holy Shit! New York City is under attack! There's smoke everywhere & people running around!

7:45pm - How on earth did they find a right-wing-leaning athlete? He's rambling about some Czechoslovakian gold-medalist who supports McCain.
Whoa, he actually just said, "whether you're a decathlete or a politician, we must stand together & support America"... Did they just exclude me?

7:55pm Dancing around to good old Rock and Roll music, there's no denying it, a lot of women are Republicans.

Harry Grayson - Mustard Yellow, ready and available for comment.

Senator Lindsey Graham on stage. The democrats need some better talking points about why it's sort of pitiful if the surge works. Like, it's like if an aspirin helps relieve a hangover head-ache, you can't undo the tequila reality.

Where's our other correspondents. Mongolia, you there?

8:09pm That's because Obama was against the war, doofus-butt. And the war is unwinnable, we've certainly already been "defeat"-ed, whatever that word means, I'm not familiar with the definition of that word. Here comes the Wasilla mayor's biopic.

8:15pm Apparently the GOP's budget can't afford a non-synthesized string section.
Christ, Sen. Ridge is McCain's friend too, how many friends does this guy have? Isn't he spreading himself a bit thin?

NEW POST! Move Up!


Brains said...

I think I'm lost, this is!

Brains said...

Hee hee, "decathlete or politician," yer funny Jaymes.

ß. Andrigon said...

That was his false dichotomy, not mine. If I had to pick one, I'd say I'm more decathlete, but that's only because I never worked as a trial lawyer.

Brains said...

Lindsey Graham just called Iraq "a Muslim nation." Interesting how it was a secular nation, with Christians and women as professors at the universities, before we invaded.

Brains said...

I know that was his false dichotomy; I don't think I would have caught it (the decathlete that I am?).

Did Lindsey Graham just copy Obama's stump phrase verbatim? Omg, what a tool.

Why do they keep saying we can't afford to lose a war? Losing wars is awesome. We lost and ended Vietnam in a hurry and they're doing better today than we could have ever hoped.

Brains said...

Moose hunter? She's a MAVERICK.

Funny how they keep showing the natural landscapes directly threatened by Gov Palin's environmental and energy policies. It's like when they name an SUV "Chevy Tahoe".

ß. Andrigon said...

That's more or less the reason I didn't marry my high-school sweetheart: I was worried she'd become a hockey mom, mayor, then trophy vice president.

Brains said...

The Huffington Post fact checked her speech, finding that she INCREASED pork barrel project spending from Washington in Alaska more than any other governor. But hey she lowered property taxes, so the GOPers drool.

Brains said...

Dude, you should've married her. Like Bristol's boyfriend K-Fed, or whatever his name is.

ß. Andrigon said...

Hey, Brains, you can post in the body.

Brains said...

Everybody always wants me all over their body.

I'd rather post in the comments for now, as I have to cut out early tonight. I'm going to my yoga studio at eight pm, situated upstairs from a taqueria and costing way too much, because I'm a bitter San Francisco values voting elitist who clings to his yoga and tacos.

Brains said...

Did Tom Ridge just rap? I heard they're having trouble with the teleprompters at the convention.

Brains said...

I have to go pick up my community supported agriculture box of locally grown vegetables by seven pm at the drop-off site three blocks away, because I'm a bitter San Francisco values voting elitist who clings to organic melons and kale. Back in five.