September 04, 2008

Alas Alive Ablogging the riverrun past even adam's apfelgarage. Post Number Orange

As we hold our breasts in anticipation of Senator John McCain's big call-to-arms, a few thoughts on leadership from Sun Tsu. How can we rally up patriotism without bad-guys against us? Never trust a man who surrounds himself with dancing white people. What is this mysterious smell coming from the South-East corner of my room? "Weird-Al" Yankovic is in the house!! Three strikes, &, it's the SAME synth-string composer for the John McCain biopic, the "mama's boy" should descend from the solid ground soon enough. We are here live.

9:08pm Central Time The war hero is captured, tortured, & held hostage for five years.

9:10pm Crap! I just realized this whole event is just propaganda!

McCain! "poop your pants! poop your pants! poop your pants!"

ugly green background is back!

9:18pm Wow, earlier, I was totally going to make a joke about "when are they going to drop the puke-green backdrop" like his last big speech.

no, but really, what great luck. I'm sure they didn't want this speech to take place against an ugly green background. he's been mocked relentlessly for it before and now his big moment is happening in front of it. hahaha

There are Iraq veterans against the war all over the lace in there. The RNC is a fucking leaky bucket. their security sucks because their nominee isn't black, now it's biting them in the ass.

They tried to fix the background, but it looks like alge slime. worse than before.

The Green-Screen is going psychedelic forest on us. I knew we should have been hitting something harder than Gobiden.

Now it's blue! what a fucking mess!

CODE PINK IN THE HOUSE! IN A HOT SATIN NEGLIGEE!

what do you guys think of the bright blue background they settled on after going through the two embarrassing greens?

9:27pm It is pretty amazing all these politicians with millions of kids themselves, & pregnant teenage kids, are so gung-ho for abstinence only education.

9:30pm I'm having trouble conceiving of how boring this man is - - - - - but yet how wildly enthusiastic the crowd is cheering at how boring he is. Strange dissonance, like P.D.Q. Bach's sportscasting of the Beethoven symphony.

OMG so many empty seats when they went to the wide shot. holy crap. there's nobody there.

I think they must have been bought by season-ticket holders who couldn't make it - total rich white thing to do.

9:39pm Shaun suggested that with the green-screen, then the blue-screen, he's just begging for some computer-generated effects to spice up his space-flight.

9:41pm How come everyone's always down on the bureaucrats? Isn't that a sizeable minority of the American workforce?

Is this the economic policy meat of this speech? we'll give you a temporary shitty job while we find you or make for you a not-as-shitty job?

9:45pm McCain gets a standing ovation for dissing bad teachers.


oh yeah I choose a private schoool for my kids all the time. I just can't pay for it.

Is it just me, or is this speech really really long?

9:48pm Finally, some fear-mongering. I could barely find my bearings.
He's comparing Russia with Iran??
...no, he wants to 'establish good relations with Russia.' I afraid of them too.

The man who doesn't know how to use the internet just said "the information technology revolution".

did he already forget that this crowd loves Palin because she is a bitter hateful partisan? they don't want him to "reach out to democrats and independants".

9:55pm There's no mistaking, the crowd is getting less jubilant & uproarious. Even Wagner operas break for an intermission every fifty-five minutes or so.

THIS AGAIN????....wait, getting shot down is a laugh line now?

9:57pm I always wanted to hear John McCain's POW story, now is my chance.

there's a bunch of token black people. drink james! drink!

Only if they show the same one repeatedly. Like those actual Africans next to Roberta McCain. Sadly, there was a queue of African-Americans waiting around the corner to fill in all those empty stadium seats, but they were bulk-sold to hawkers, who accidentally went to New Orleans instead.

"history has anointed me to save my country" ???? did he already win and I didn't get the memo? maybe he's the antichrist.

No, he was making fun of BHO's presumptuousity. That speech was more than twice as long as Obama's.

10:06pm I love this Raisin' McCain song!

10:09pm World record for number of balloons dropped, added several carbon tons to the atmosphere. I think I saw a token black balloon, so, drink up.
Phony digital fire-works on the screen!

10:14pm I hope there's at least one balloon casualty. Seriously, tho, the pundits & talking-pointers make fun of Obama's "Styrofoam" columns & exultant fireworks, & then the RNC has a ten-minute-long balloon fest with computer-generated fireworks in a half-empty indoor stadium? It's because they're more in touch with the common man.

10:19pm McCain & Cindy Lou are returning to the stage!! I hope he's going to finish up that more-or-less unfinished speech.

It seems like this dancing, celebrating, & bad music could go on till the line for the Minnesota Airport bathroom is a mile-long, so, adieu, thank you nation for hanging out during our live-blog.

38 comments:

Brains said...

Looks like the end of Close Encounters of Third Kind.

ß. Andrigon said...

May be they'll stop clapping by the time & go get some more whisky.

Brains said...

The president is also grateful for the worst attack on American soil.

Brains said...

Oh, yay, GREEN SCREEN!

Brains said...

Seven children? Really? I didn't know he was Mormon. With Palin's five kids, this is clearly the party of the eager breeder.

alice said...

did they miss colbert's green screen challenge? were past this

Anonymous said...

Roberta Mccain has a man face

Brains said...

How I wish we had managed to hack the background. What picture would you have posted? I would post one from Abu Ghraib.

ß. Andrigon said...

Grace! You've deleted what I've written three times now~!

Brains said...

We need liveblogging software!

grainne proinseas said...

sorry james! I'll take a break. write what you will

Brains said...

This is awesome. I hope he never stops talking. The more Ol' Walnuts speaks the better our chances of winning.

Brains said...

The entire convention has been INCUMBENTS telling us how corrupt government is. Um, maybe we should stop voting for them?

ß. Andrigon said...

I'm just cutting & pasting from another file, that's the best way. don't take a break! Plenty of time for break-taking when you're dead.

Who's this Yuisé they keep chanting for?

Brains said...

He just said he fights for real estate investors. Awesome.

grainne proinseas said...

he ripped off the fact that Obama wears a soldier's bracelet.

Brains said...

Why is it every time I heard them chant for Yuisé I think of a Holocaust seminar I took at Sadie Loo?

Brains said...

This rules. It's going so well for us. Sandrigon, you're good with words. What's the word for his oratory style?

grainne proinseas said...

we believe in open markets, and work, and offshoring work to benefit US coporations profit margins in open markets, so you don't have work...oops

Brains said...

Ol' Walnuts practices "lexicographical diversity." Meaning, he mentions minorities to make up for their total absence in the hockey arena.

Brains said...

We have a "high" business tax rate because we're the only country in the world without VAT. Look it up!

grainne proinseas said...

how are you going to keep jobs from going overseas? YOU'RE AGAINST REGULATING MARKETS.offshoring helps the bottom line. unregulated capitalism in a world market leads to offshoring wellpaying jobs to unregulated labor zones. duh. you make not effing sense mccain.

ß. Andrigon said...

Token mustachioed muslim man!

Anonymous said...

He's stumbling over his words. I think even he's a bit bored by this point.

ß. Andrigon said...

Thanks Brains! Always a pleasure! Always a pleasure!

grainne proinseas said...

he went on Obama's website and decided he liked the sound of "green jobs". doesn't he mean "jobs on an offshore drilling rig for a couple thousand of you hundreds of thousands of unemployed americans"?

ß. Andrigon said...

I hate wars-beyond-imagination too. The imaginable ones are bad enough, let alone the ones with rogue unicorns.

ß. Andrigon said...

Where the fuck is Bulgaria? It's almost 6am there! He's sleeping thru McCain's speech!

ß. Andrigon said...

He made fun of Obama for not having war wounds?

Anonymous said...

i think we're nearing a climax.... this speech lacks some serious arc

grainne proinseas said...

that blew. I hope the media harps endlessly on the backdrop screwups.

grainne proinseas said...

and the protesters, too. The commentators are talking crap about a great speech that didn't happen.

ß. Andrigon said...

No commentators on the internet CNN. I wonder what I'm missing. Where's CNN's Republican Strategist when you need her?

grainne proinseas said...

All the commentators are talking nonsensical crap about a great amazing speech that had "lots of specifics on the issues"...in other words, not the speech we just watched.

ß. Andrigon said...

They've already played "Celebrate Good times", they're playing it again. Play the "Raisin' McCain" song again if you're goin' to rerun.

Brains said...

Fun as always, Mr Sandrigon, Madam Proinseas, strange person in mustard yellow.

Do you have any explanation for the Berkeley/SF temperature difference today? So bizarre. I've never seen that in reverse.

grainne proinseas said...

I called Sarah Palin to ask her about the weird weather in Cali and she said everything that happens in California happens because God Hates The Gays.
I look forward to live-blogging the debates with you guys.

Brains said...

Does God send hurricanes to the South because she hates them?