I had never felt this style of pain, with no paranoia & no worries.
It was during the year I was dating a woman named Lousera Comasquerapes.
We were necking in the corner accompanied by the mariachi band, Los Sphincteres.
Somewhere an identity was altered,
Luckily, the thief's violin sonata was deterred,
So, tone-deaf, my ego faltered,
Hiding behind the drapes in God's mansion, here we go, the enemy of the future escapes.
In the end, Lousera was too busy for me, waiting for her savior:
Perhaps it was his dipsomania or the crypto-syringe which held him up.
Bicycling across the ocean floor, past millions of species & ravaging war,
His name is called Terrific,
His rat-ass is less specific,
A cowboy deep in the Pacific,
Her bus-stop bench is worn down, after his journey, he could not have smelled equipped.
I remember Lousera Comasquerapes, she was my grandest lover, a wild beast:
In high 1995 outfits, we would take to the clubs, like the bawdy eclectic.
I haven't seen her in two years, a child is born, the wings of a swallow at least,
And where is Jenny thru this to-do?
She's smiling in San Francisco,
Warm & curing a missing flu.
And we were dancing upon the throne of days, green-faced & ecstatic, anticipating the phone to click.
Astronauts, where are you, where are the prodigal lagomorphs, where was I?
Our brains are infected by every local notion, our hearts, heated,
Naked & cross-eyed, ravishing beauty, fuzzy on the top, & on the bottom, fuzzy.
In 2002 she stank of piss,
I had never been intimate with such ugliness,
And found happiness in this abyss,
Trampled by a herd of Giant Unicorns - Revived Thin-Plated Rhinoceroses - wasted & smushed but not defeated.
Thru the worm-hole to heaven, our native housing project,
My perceptions were down, but I think Lousera Comasquerapes said to me:
"Come from the West, my love, my largest towel is open out of respect.
"Dry up the wine stain,
"Complain, what remains of the pain,
"I will accept but not explain,
"Come down from the ceiling crack, come to my bed & be forever free."
Aching, Lousera said to me: "The bricks fell down,
"I am your girl until Holmes Comet, we'll go around the omnipresent,
"We'll return to school early like a mathematics prodigy, stoned & hewn.
"I cannot hear Jenny chortling kindlies,
"I see her jalapeños blindlies,
"I feel thirst in my dirtiest panties.
"Follow me until you're done with me, drink me, eat me, like squab, like squirrel meat or pheasant."
Still life with sore knees, shush, an Indian sailor playing a harmonium!
Lousera Comasquerapes came to me & said: "Build up our crazy coastal city,
"Study the asphalt & iron, drive insanity, confused noise & rum!
"Cannot eat last year's banana-fish,
"Cannot sell next century's laguna-fish,
"We have caught our final tuna-fish,
"We have ruined it, over-stocked, clogged this traversable passage to that black hole, without love, without agony, without pity."
Now in the hospital, nude under my robe, watching the nurses float by,
Lousera is out there somewhere, exasperating her patience.
I feel a story pass from a Pentecostal Minister visiting without his bow tie:
About a proud brother returning,
A festival, & the older son learning,
Not to be envious of the world's turning.
And Mary & Martha & Louise & Johanna, mirroring my mindlessness, prancing over the sleep-sheep's fence.
I need affirmation, a lonely old playboy, a pilgrim to everywhere:
I've lost sensation in my legs, but gained peace in East Asia,
Like a subterranean conquistador, moles & voles & treasure enough to share,
A black man & a visible man,
California, the entrance to my lifespan,
Risible & before time began,
Lousera's humongous breasts are weighing down the basketball court, a monstrous ancient buffalo of pleasure & echinacea.
The machinations on the board of supervisors went unnoticed by our spies,
But not by our progeny - but I had been transferred to oblivion by then.
We failed to nourish & educate, but not to distill certain right revolting energies,
The fireworks will be shot,
Whether I watch them or not,
I'll be a robot on a planet of rot,
Her vexation at this dimness, piloting a ship of shit, towards unknown husbands, letting slip the final amen again & again.
For the price of these battles, we could send every itinerant into deep space,
Kicking off my doctor's cacophony & vile prophecy & violent deities,
I replaced them & wasted them & now those old girls are distant from my decaying face,
The police won't let him pull my plug,
His diagnosis is a reluctant shrug,
He swept my hours under his toilet rug,
And the nurses on water around me, expanding my imagination, a rampage of youthful infernal disease.
She called me on the two-way radio, she said her wet dream train was finally arriving,
Some serious lamentations! And a few good jokes, and six hundred varieties of fungus,
I poured a double shot into a glass of ice, & recalled the years of living & conniving:
"Come stretch your pinions & hold me,"
Lousera Comasquerapes once told me,
"Yoga & pilates & a hot toddy,
"Every activity is our unique joy, I am a sow in a gestation cage, covered to my canopy in excrement & moss."
Aching, Lousera had said to me: "Come mount me like the lifting up of smoke!
"You cannot complain about which portion of the infinite you inherit,
"Just love it, Sandy, & do your best not to trash it, like an archetypal pig-in-a-poke,
"And wallow in perfection,
"Our waste is another man's confection,
"Greek proportions & Washington's erection,
"My entire living room is filled with pillows, soon is the jubilee year, our baby will forgive our debt."
Found in a forest of briers & thorns, Jenny made her mind up when she was three,
She's there for her kindness, a pirate departing with the next cannon,
I was never warned, it's done, & also leaving, Lousera Comasquerapes had said to me:
"You'll die far from Golden Gate Park,
"You'll regret every song heard in the dark,
"And Christ in the form of a walking shark,
"You'll keep discovering things you couldn't have believed, just be present, & I must give up for adoption our infant son."