March 28, 2007

Doggerel Poem about Evelyn Waugh

Away, Evelyn Waugh, away!
I have no time for your books today!

I have no time for Evelyn Waugh!
And if I did, I would probably spend it upon a see-saw!

Even if I had time for Evelyn Waugh-tays,
I would probably spend it drinking decaf soy lattes.

I have no time for a man named Evelyn,
Or men named Gwen or Len or Jen, neither.
Or Democratic Astronauts named Glenn.
I don't especially like Condoleeza Rice either.


I read one of your books when I was a kid,
I thought you were a woman named Evelyn;
I have already read Brideshead Revisited,
Do you expect me to read it again & again?

I have no time for you, Evelyn Waugh-rence,
And if I did, I would spend it looking at Titian's Martyrdom of St. Laurence:


What are your loves, Evelyn, what do you fear?
Was Oxford really so homoerotic?
When I went to Oxford, I got an abscess gall behind my ear,
And I had to take a pretty strong antibiotic.

I don't know much about World War One,
And I don't care about posh socialites in the twenties,
But if I had a cent for every word you wrote, Evelyn,
I'd have a lot of pennies.

Away, Evelyn Waugh, away!
I'll read your nineteen novels & extensive travel diaries another day!

4 comments:

MrA said...

I would love to see Cormac McCarthy conversating with Oprah Winfrey. That could be amazing. Or really lame. But it would be interesting either way. If you've got a TV, you should record it so that I can watch it.

Yeah, let's kick it, let me know when you'll be in town.

Sarah said...

That poem is dumb.

Condoleezza said...

The problem here is that there will always be some uncertainty about how quickly he can acquire nuclear weapons. But we don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud.

Anonymous said...

who the fuck is evelyn waugh