January 25, 2007

List of Terrifying Movies I have seen recently

It's been a scary week of watching things. Here I try to quantify & qualify my fears.

Pan's Labyrinth

Reasons that it's Terrifying:

-Torture scenes

-Symptoms of Fascism

-Burning Mandrake representing a fetus

-Evil Step-Father

-The guy with the eyes in his hands that's trying to eat you.

-Gothic faun

-Smashing someone's nose with a bottle, & other intense violence

Jesus Camp

Reasons that it's Terrifying:

-George Bush talking

-8-year-old kids with a plastic fetus tied to their hands

-Rev. Ted Haggart smirking at the camera about how he knows you're gay.

-Statistics about Evangelicals in America (there's a lot of them)

-Kids chanting in unison

-A woman yearning for the good old Middle Ages when we could burn "warlocks" like Harry Potter

-Threat of eternal hellfire for unbelievers

-Kids with weird hairstyles

-Fat people

Twin Peaks Season Two (I haven't finished it all yet)

Reasons that it's Terrifying:

-Brain damaged man coming back to life & attacking his wife with an ax.

-Creepy Owls

-The South winning the Civil War

-Evil spirits named Bob

-The giant saying “It is happening again.”

-Laura's father singing Richard Rodgers songs.

-David Duchovy in a dress

-Irrelevant directionless subplots.

Life in the Undergrowth (A.K.A. The Life of Bugs with David Attenborough)

Reasons that it's Terrifying:

-Enormous centipede catching a bat in midair

-A beetle the size of a rat

-Six-foot-long earthworms

-Scorpions stinging each other while mating

-Spiders in Australia that spin three-dimensional webs

-Prehistoric huge dragonflies

-Mayflies (I hate those things)

More to come!


Your Aunt said...

I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. How was your party?

James Welsch said...

What's so funny about huge insects or torture?

The party was a smashing success. Well, I wish more people had worn Maori hunting garb. There were some people in African tunics, a flapper, & I wore my finest cacti-tux. And a lot of tequila. Why weren't you there? Who are you? Aunt Clara!?